"Just don't ask me to solve the problem of childlessness," Captain Diamantis cut them off. "My sperm carries more iodine than a paramedic. The most likely outcome is that I'll fill the island with mermaids…"

A land whiter than an Eskimo cemetery. A black cat patrolling the whitewashed alleys. An empty church and a packed brothel. A boatload of missing tourists. A cross sunk at the bottom of the harbor. Three bowls of deadly tzatziki. A stolen rural constable's undershirt. A chamber pot full of passionate tears. A desperate love. A devilish naval vendetta. What is up with this place?

The most lively, the most out-of-this-world novel you'll read this summer.